The Green-eyed Monster

Naturally as a person with real green eyes, I guess it comes as no surprise that I tend to get jealous quite often. Recently, as in the past two years, I have noticed my jealousy arising on a weekly, if not sometimes, daily basis. Now, it would moot to ask if any one has ever been jealous before, but when you ask yourself that question, it brings to the forefront all of the insecurities and faults of your life.

This past week has really seen a resurgence in my "green-eyed" monster. I am jealous more of my friends, than anyone else, and that really takes a toll on my personal life, as in my introverted self. My friends are amazing people, who have overcome amazing obstacles, and have become great friends and followers of Christ. But I just feel like I pale in comparison to them. One friend has such an international heart, yearning to reach out to the world outside of the U.S.. Another friend is so passionate about youth that he has created a ministry that is going to reach middle and high-schoolers, and it has gained the backing of most of the people I know. Another is really passionate about prayer and literally is the go-to person when I need prayer. And when I look at myself, I see someone who has yet to find his niche. I want to be just like my friends. I want to do the same great things they are doing, and it stings when I somewhat fail or flounder in my attempts.

So what is God trying to tell me? Well, in my heart, I feel Him telling me to quit looking to others for a calling and a hope, and to look the One who actually promised hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). I feel Him saying, "Sam, stop. Breathe. You are ok. Nothing is wrong with you. You are different my son. You have other hearts to touch. Patience." Why is it that patience is the answer? Well, God wants us to see the beauty in His love. If we go at it in a blur, thinking we know what we are doing, we lose sight of the being truly behind our actions. It becomes no longer God's plan, but our goal.

It's a tough line to walk. But the amazing thing is that God loves us, even when we are the most jealous people on the planet. God knows our hearts. He knows that we yearn for significance and for purpose. He also knows we need to be loved, and loving ourselves, in my opinion, second only to loving God.

I am a natural green-eyed monster, but praise God in His forgiveness and His blessings. I am not like you or anyone else. My path is going to be different, but it also will be beautiful. God will do great things, with or without me, but praise Him for allowing me to do it for Him!