Have you ever felt like you were supposed to be bigger than you are? Not in terms of size, but in terms of significance, or purpose? I usually get this way when listening to one of two songs. The first, and no jokes please, is "Reach," by Gloria Estefan. Written in 1996 for the Atlanta Olympics, I remember seeing it performed by Estefan at the closing ceremonies, and I was in awe. During that time I really dreamed about going to the Olympic Games for gymnastics, of which I took part in and followed to a "t." That all changed when I quit the sport at 12 years of age, which I kind of regret to this day because I was good at it...but also because it represented another dream differed.
The second, of which has occurred recently, is "God is God," by Steven Curtis Chapman. I haven't really been an afficionado of Christian music, primarily because of the "cheesiness" of some of the songs and artists, but this song, from one of the pre-eminent Contemporary Christian artists of our time really caught me off guard. So far I have listened to the song over 30 times since I purchased it on Saturday. The song, ladened with amazing beats and vocals, is more riveting in its driving music and lyrics. I have never felt more convicted, yet disappointed when I listen to the song. To me, I feel so charged to get out there and be something that I just wish I could leave my bedroom right now and live on my own. I feel like when I listen to this song I could do something great with my life. I feel like I should be singing this song...no, not that I should be Steven Curtis Chapman, but that I should be singing this song about following God and charging the peoples to listen to Him. I feel like this is the song of my life...and song that combines music, lyrics, God, and dramatics to create something that, if it has changed my heart, it could change the hearts of many.
But then reality sets in, and I realize I have gotten my head trapped in the clouds. Is it shame? Is it jealousy? Is it a desire to be individually significant?
It's a combination of all three...and more. I hate that I am 21 years of age, and yet I still have nothing, in my mind, significant to show for my life. I haven't accomplished anything I feel is worthy of, well to sound selfish, fame and influence. I have a lot to offer. And I have been told I have a lot of talent in many fields (I need to say it like that because a lot of the time I feel I am not so talented, but that's another post!). Here I am, sitting in my room, and all I can do is listen to this song 1000 times, until I am so bored with it that I put it down. But I am not bored with the song. The more I listen to it, the more I am entranced by the passion, charge, emotion, and faith behind the song.
But what is God trying to say to me through this song?
I think God is telling me that it is time to get up and do something with my life. In my heart I feel Him telling me to follow my dreams, not for me, but for Him. Now before you go and refute that statement, let me explain. I feel like God is saying for me to follow my dreams because He will be glorified through it. He has prepared me with talent, heart, honesty, and faith to go out and not be afraid of the world. I have a story to tell through my life and my dreams. God is out there, as well as in my heart.
But how do I get over the "shame-shock" that hits when I hear this song, "Reach," or see others doing great things with their lives? How do I get over my life, and begin to live it? How do I get over myself, and get on board with God?
I may be small, but God is so big...and if He loves me, then that makes me pretty important to Him...and since He loves all of us, then we are pretty significant to Him.
He has great things planned for me...I am gonna be used in ways I can't even imagine. Who knows, maybe one day I will have a song that does the same to another person in the world. Who knows, but God?
p.s.-- I encourage you to listen to both songs!!
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