Hey all,
I am sorry that I haven't written in a few days. Last week had so many topics that I wanted to talk about in such a short time that I literally lost my mind and ideas! Bear with me the next two weeks as I move out of my apartment in Charlotte, finish up summer school, continue voice lessons, continue work, and live in Raleigh for two weeks....I'll try really hard to continue writing new topics that allow for conversation!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
All I Want to Do...
I know this like a short amount of time between posts (considering the last one was written last night!), but sometimes things get into my head that I just can't be patient.
And again I must provide a slight disclaimer. This is far more secular of a topic than others before, and I hope that friends shall not be offended by my post...if you are, let me know!
Have you ever wanted to hop in the car with your best friends and just drive...to a lake, the beach, a big city, etc.? Have you ever just wanted to hang out with friends with no structure? Have you ever just wanted to be...rather than following the routine-ness of life?
I have great friends. I really do. They have been awesome the past few years, and we have enjoyed some great times together. But, I can't help but want more. No this is not a plea to my friends to change who they are, nor is it a critique and debasement of their character and personalities (Like I said, I have enjoyed great times with you guys, times I will never forget!). But only a few times in my short independent (after high school) life have I felt like I have just been...well, independent and spontaneous. I have yet to really take a road trip to anywhere with my best friends. UNC Charlotte doesn't have a football team to tailgate for, thus eliminating another opportunity for hang out time. And with the stress of summer school and jobs and the need to support my independent life, I have all but eliminated the opportunities to have a summer that resembles any of the summers in elementary, middle, and high school. So I have always been hoping for more...
And during the school year, and this summer, there have been many times where I have hung out with friends spontaneously. So I shouldn't base my "social" life on the notion that I don't have good friends, nor good times...because, as I said, I have great, awesome friends. I just feel so tied down. Responsibility wasn't supposed to come this fast. The "real world" wasn't supposed to hit this soon. Like most adults say, college is the best time of your life. The idea that they are they best years of my life sure hasn't lived up to its potential. It has been great, and I wouldn't trade these years for anything (I wish I could be a lifetime college student!), but I feel like I haven't taken advantage of my youth. For one thing in high school I never really got to go to sporting events, namely football, because I was in marching band...and while I made great friends there, I have always felt "programmed" for a greater social life. And now that I am in college, there is stuff that some people find to be fun, like clubbing and having keggers, but I find those to be at the bottom of my priority list in having fun. And a lot of my friends are younger than me, making it slightly harder to do some things (yes I mean going to bars and having a couple beers...I am 21 and I feel I am the only one who can say whether I want to drink or not!).
But I guess this is just a moment in my life where I am growing up. I need to adapt. I need to step outside of my friend bubble and meet more people. And I need to pay the same respect to each friend I have. They are all close to me...and I love them like brothers and sisters! And maybe I shouldn't waste my time worrying about life, and more time living my life.
I am 21, and I have many more "young" years to come where I can enjoy my life with friends and family. And who's to say that I can't enjoy life when I am much older? I have a world out there that I want to live and experience. And I have a God who has blessed me with great friends and family to experience it with. So I continue living my life...
As T.I. and Rhianna say: "So live your life...."
** again, I love you guys I call friends! This is definitely not a means by which we should stop hanging out together! Let's continue what we got going...you don't need to fix something that isn't broken!!
And again I must provide a slight disclaimer. This is far more secular of a topic than others before, and I hope that friends shall not be offended by my post...if you are, let me know!
Have you ever wanted to hop in the car with your best friends and just drive...to a lake, the beach, a big city, etc.? Have you ever just wanted to hang out with friends with no structure? Have you ever just wanted to be...rather than following the routine-ness of life?
I have great friends. I really do. They have been awesome the past few years, and we have enjoyed some great times together. But, I can't help but want more. No this is not a plea to my friends to change who they are, nor is it a critique and debasement of their character and personalities (Like I said, I have enjoyed great times with you guys, times I will never forget!). But only a few times in my short independent (after high school) life have I felt like I have just been...well, independent and spontaneous. I have yet to really take a road trip to anywhere with my best friends. UNC Charlotte doesn't have a football team to tailgate for, thus eliminating another opportunity for hang out time. And with the stress of summer school and jobs and the need to support my independent life, I have all but eliminated the opportunities to have a summer that resembles any of the summers in elementary, middle, and high school. So I have always been hoping for more...
And during the school year, and this summer, there have been many times where I have hung out with friends spontaneously. So I shouldn't base my "social" life on the notion that I don't have good friends, nor good times...because, as I said, I have great, awesome friends. I just feel so tied down. Responsibility wasn't supposed to come this fast. The "real world" wasn't supposed to hit this soon. Like most adults say, college is the best time of your life. The idea that they are they best years of my life sure hasn't lived up to its potential. It has been great, and I wouldn't trade these years for anything (I wish I could be a lifetime college student!), but I feel like I haven't taken advantage of my youth. For one thing in high school I never really got to go to sporting events, namely football, because I was in marching band...and while I made great friends there, I have always felt "programmed" for a greater social life. And now that I am in college, there is stuff that some people find to be fun, like clubbing and having keggers, but I find those to be at the bottom of my priority list in having fun. And a lot of my friends are younger than me, making it slightly harder to do some things (yes I mean going to bars and having a couple beers...I am 21 and I feel I am the only one who can say whether I want to drink or not!).
But I guess this is just a moment in my life where I am growing up. I need to adapt. I need to step outside of my friend bubble and meet more people. And I need to pay the same respect to each friend I have. They are all close to me...and I love them like brothers and sisters! And maybe I shouldn't waste my time worrying about life, and more time living my life.
I am 21, and I have many more "young" years to come where I can enjoy my life with friends and family. And who's to say that I can't enjoy life when I am much older? I have a world out there that I want to live and experience. And I have a God who has blessed me with great friends and family to experience it with. So I continue living my life...
As T.I. and Rhianna say: "So live your life...."
** again, I love you guys I call friends! This is definitely not a means by which we should stop hanging out together! Let's continue what we got going...you don't need to fix something that isn't broken!!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Mirror Mirror on the Wall...
This is a slight continuation from the previous post about fairy tales...but while the title itself and some points addressed are similar, I feel that this is an entirely separate direction from that post.
I have wanted write about this topic for quite some time, but as usual I chickened out or something caught me in a moment and I had to write about it. Also, I didn't know how to write this, so bear with me for the time being...
Image is something that I struggle with. To be honest, I do not like the image I portray, which makes this very difficult to write about because I am writing to myself, as well as others. When I look in a mirror, I am my worst critic. Who isn't? There is always something wrong with how we look. There has to be, or else the world is not revolving. In my case, my weight has steadily increased from my so-called "glory days" of being 5' 11" and 160lbs. I now stand at a heavier, 193 lbs, and while that doesn't seem all that bad...it's the fact that I have reached this point that upsets me. As a traditionalist, I do not like change. And in my resistance towards change, I try all that I can to regain what I once was...physically. In the end my motivation gives way to laziness, thus continuing the cycle that I am on. Not only does my weight upset me, but my hair upsets. I joke about my balding on a frequent basis, but truly, I am upset by it. I used to have quite the head of hair, ask my mother, who is probably going to read this! I was proud of my hair, and as a result of stress placed on me from academics and the "Real World," I have lost a good portion of my hair. That's not all...but those are the two big physical issues at hand...
So why am I, as well as others (probably yourselves?) so addicted to a "Fairy-tale physical embodiment?" Why have issues such as anorexia, bulimia, plastic surgery, etc. channeled our disdain for our mirror image? In a large way, society has placed a heavy burden on image. Nowadays, looking good, meaning looking like a Hollywood movie star who has a 31" waist (guys), gorgeous blonde hair, and chiseled abs can achieve almost anything...from movie roles, corporate jobs, etc. For examples all one has to do is look at the evil-empire of Abercrombie and Fitch and their recent struggles with their supposed "Look Policy." In order to get anywhere, talent, education, and achievement takes a backseat as an amenity to our looks. Now, don't get me wrong, a healthy image is a positive image, but in most cases that is taken way too far.
But we shouldn't blame society entirely. It's human nature. In the Bible, Adam and Eve, following their sin, show shame when confronted by their nakedness before God and each other (Genesis 3:7). It has seemingly been programmed into our lives that we are very image concious. The devil loves this. He loves shame. He loves getting us to hate us. That's how he attacks, because he has "broken" our spirit creating disdain in our lives and the need to classify beauty and rank other human aspects. Its really hard to explain, especially since I am writing as a victim of my own self-hatred.
Physical image is not the only image we judge on a personal level, and of course a societal level. Inner beauty is an even greater mountain to climb, especially when it takes humility, rather than shame, to approach the "summit." (Like that symbolism!?!)
Here are the tough answers we have to accept. We will never be perfect. Just look at the people who routinely get plastic surgery...they always find something wrong. But our imperfection should not be a roadblock in our lives. It should be embraced. We are made in the likeness of God. If we don't like our likeness, then we don't like a creation of God, and to put that further, we don't like the image of God. Which in typing this, suddenly makes sense. I am ashamed of who God made me to be...which is almost like saying I am ashamed of God's creation, and God...which now makes me question whether I want to laugh or cry...the answer is laugh.
I think God would want me to laugh at that revelation, because it allows me to gain some sort of closure with my body issues, and even more, my trust issues with God. And now, as I look at myself, yes, I want to take better care of my body, so I will try to be more healthy. The Bible does say that our bodies are a temple, therefore we should take care of the temple. But I won't look at myself and wonder why, how, and what could've been. When embrace our image, we are able to turn our eyes away from ourselves, and onto the world that is not so fairy tale.
It's not about looking back at yourself. It's about looking out at the world you live in in order to see how you can change it.
Mirror, mirror on the wall...who's the fairest one of all?
I have wanted write about this topic for quite some time, but as usual I chickened out or something caught me in a moment and I had to write about it. Also, I didn't know how to write this, so bear with me for the time being...
Image is something that I struggle with. To be honest, I do not like the image I portray, which makes this very difficult to write about because I am writing to myself, as well as others. When I look in a mirror, I am my worst critic. Who isn't? There is always something wrong with how we look. There has to be, or else the world is not revolving. In my case, my weight has steadily increased from my so-called "glory days" of being 5' 11" and 160lbs. I now stand at a heavier, 193 lbs, and while that doesn't seem all that bad...it's the fact that I have reached this point that upsets me. As a traditionalist, I do not like change. And in my resistance towards change, I try all that I can to regain what I once was...physically. In the end my motivation gives way to laziness, thus continuing the cycle that I am on. Not only does my weight upset me, but my hair upsets. I joke about my balding on a frequent basis, but truly, I am upset by it. I used to have quite the head of hair, ask my mother, who is probably going to read this! I was proud of my hair, and as a result of stress placed on me from academics and the "Real World," I have lost a good portion of my hair. That's not all...but those are the two big physical issues at hand...
So why am I, as well as others (probably yourselves?) so addicted to a "Fairy-tale physical embodiment?" Why have issues such as anorexia, bulimia, plastic surgery, etc. channeled our disdain for our mirror image? In a large way, society has placed a heavy burden on image. Nowadays, looking good, meaning looking like a Hollywood movie star who has a 31" waist (guys), gorgeous blonde hair, and chiseled abs can achieve almost anything...from movie roles, corporate jobs, etc. For examples all one has to do is look at the evil-empire of Abercrombie and Fitch and their recent struggles with their supposed "Look Policy." In order to get anywhere, talent, education, and achievement takes a backseat as an amenity to our looks. Now, don't get me wrong, a healthy image is a positive image, but in most cases that is taken way too far.
But we shouldn't blame society entirely. It's human nature. In the Bible, Adam and Eve, following their sin, show shame when confronted by their nakedness before God and each other (Genesis 3:7). It has seemingly been programmed into our lives that we are very image concious. The devil loves this. He loves shame. He loves getting us to hate us. That's how he attacks, because he has "broken" our spirit creating disdain in our lives and the need to classify beauty and rank other human aspects. Its really hard to explain, especially since I am writing as a victim of my own self-hatred.
Physical image is not the only image we judge on a personal level, and of course a societal level. Inner beauty is an even greater mountain to climb, especially when it takes humility, rather than shame, to approach the "summit." (Like that symbolism!?!)
Here are the tough answers we have to accept. We will never be perfect. Just look at the people who routinely get plastic surgery...they always find something wrong. But our imperfection should not be a roadblock in our lives. It should be embraced. We are made in the likeness of God. If we don't like our likeness, then we don't like a creation of God, and to put that further, we don't like the image of God. Which in typing this, suddenly makes sense. I am ashamed of who God made me to be...which is almost like saying I am ashamed of God's creation, and God...which now makes me question whether I want to laugh or cry...the answer is laugh.
I think God would want me to laugh at that revelation, because it allows me to gain some sort of closure with my body issues, and even more, my trust issues with God. And now, as I look at myself, yes, I want to take better care of my body, so I will try to be more healthy. The Bible does say that our bodies are a temple, therefore we should take care of the temple. But I won't look at myself and wonder why, how, and what could've been. When embrace our image, we are able to turn our eyes away from ourselves, and onto the world that is not so fairy tale.
It's not about looking back at yourself. It's about looking out at the world you live in in order to see how you can change it.
Mirror, mirror on the wall...who's the fairest one of all?
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Ever After
I must admit something...I like the movie "Ever After." I really do. I like the acting, the music, the scenery, and more importantly the story. Why? Well for a variety of reasons...
In my opinion, most humans love a good fairy tale. It places our minds in a world of magic that resembles nothing of the reality we live in. Fairy tales are about magic and prosperity and hope and...happy endings. Isn't that the selling point? If a fairy tale didn't have a happy ending, then who would read it. I dare you to find one fairy tale, not fable (entirely different, but that is an argument I seek to avoid!), in which a happy ending is not the result. Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast, Hansel and Gretel...the list could go on and on.
We like happy endings. We crave happy endings. Who doesn't want someone to save them from the terror of life and end up living in prosperity and happiness until their death? Who doesn't want to live like a king or queen...or prince or princess? Who doesn't wish for reality to not be true?
I am a pretty imaginative person. While I am quite the social butterfly, I am more comfortable as an introvert. My introverted side allows me to "gander" at the "fluff" of fairy tales. What if I were rich and successful, living in a palace in the mountains of Bavaria...well I don't really think about that stuff, but, what if I were rich and lived in a mansion without a worry in my life?
What makes me do this? What makes everyone do this? For one thing, we live in a not-so-pretty world. In Charlotte, all I have to do is step out side campus to see homelessness, poverty, drugs, alcohol, etc. Even in the "mystic" lands of Bavaria, Bohemia, the English countryside, and other settings of famous fairy tales there is the reality of the society we live in. On another note, our society loves to portray our imperfections as just that, imperfections. This makes us want to be different. Name one character in a fairy tale who isn't portrayed, described both literally and figuratively as handsome, beautiful, successful? "Shrek" did a number on this issue, but the issues linger to this day.
Donald Miller, my all-time favorite author writes about Harry Potter in his book, "Searching for God Knows What." Miller writes that our fantasy about Harry Potter is all about our desire for "wish-fulfillment," and he paints a difficult, but true picture...we can never return to Eden.
Tough pill to swallow...for me, and most of the world. What does this mean? As much as I wish my life were like a fairy tale, Hollywood movie, etc., it's not going to be like that. These are books or movies that cram a life story in a number of pages or minutes, while my life spans years. What happens in these minutes leaves much to be answered or discovered. Why would I want loose ends tied up by a generalized "happy ending" than have all of my answers discovered and played out on the "stage" called my life? What does a fairy tale have, that God doesn't already provide? Success, prosperity, hope, love, and even a happy ending are all guaranteed by God himself...if you need proof, open the Bible or pray to God sincerely. He will answer any question you have...it's your choice to accept that answer...which leads to our "addiction" to fairy tales.
We all want something that provides answers, quickly. Fairy tales accomplish that and more. They satisfy our need for hope and a "rosy" picture. But they are fiction. Which causes us to do anything to gain a fairy tale life...even though it is not humanly possible. God makes that possible...but in His way, and not ours.
I know this may seem to be written in a manner that represents "ping-pong" thoughts, which is true because I have been studying for a midterm for about four hours...so I apologize for my lack of cohesiveness...so expect a follow up real soon...
Until then...think about it...why are you so enamored with a happy ending...
To get to a happy ending, you have to write the story...
In my opinion, most humans love a good fairy tale. It places our minds in a world of magic that resembles nothing of the reality we live in. Fairy tales are about magic and prosperity and hope and...happy endings. Isn't that the selling point? If a fairy tale didn't have a happy ending, then who would read it. I dare you to find one fairy tale, not fable (entirely different, but that is an argument I seek to avoid!), in which a happy ending is not the result. Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast, Hansel and Gretel...the list could go on and on.
We like happy endings. We crave happy endings. Who doesn't want someone to save them from the terror of life and end up living in prosperity and happiness until their death? Who doesn't want to live like a king or queen...or prince or princess? Who doesn't wish for reality to not be true?
I am a pretty imaginative person. While I am quite the social butterfly, I am more comfortable as an introvert. My introverted side allows me to "gander" at the "fluff" of fairy tales. What if I were rich and successful, living in a palace in the mountains of Bavaria...well I don't really think about that stuff, but, what if I were rich and lived in a mansion without a worry in my life?
What makes me do this? What makes everyone do this? For one thing, we live in a not-so-pretty world. In Charlotte, all I have to do is step out side campus to see homelessness, poverty, drugs, alcohol, etc. Even in the "mystic" lands of Bavaria, Bohemia, the English countryside, and other settings of famous fairy tales there is the reality of the society we live in. On another note, our society loves to portray our imperfections as just that, imperfections. This makes us want to be different. Name one character in a fairy tale who isn't portrayed, described both literally and figuratively as handsome, beautiful, successful? "Shrek" did a number on this issue, but the issues linger to this day.
Donald Miller, my all-time favorite author writes about Harry Potter in his book, "Searching for God Knows What." Miller writes that our fantasy about Harry Potter is all about our desire for "wish-fulfillment," and he paints a difficult, but true picture...we can never return to Eden.
Tough pill to swallow...for me, and most of the world. What does this mean? As much as I wish my life were like a fairy tale, Hollywood movie, etc., it's not going to be like that. These are books or movies that cram a life story in a number of pages or minutes, while my life spans years. What happens in these minutes leaves much to be answered or discovered. Why would I want loose ends tied up by a generalized "happy ending" than have all of my answers discovered and played out on the "stage" called my life? What does a fairy tale have, that God doesn't already provide? Success, prosperity, hope, love, and even a happy ending are all guaranteed by God himself...if you need proof, open the Bible or pray to God sincerely. He will answer any question you have...it's your choice to accept that answer...which leads to our "addiction" to fairy tales.
We all want something that provides answers, quickly. Fairy tales accomplish that and more. They satisfy our need for hope and a "rosy" picture. But they are fiction. Which causes us to do anything to gain a fairy tale life...even though it is not humanly possible. God makes that possible...but in His way, and not ours.
I know this may seem to be written in a manner that represents "ping-pong" thoughts, which is true because I have been studying for a midterm for about four hours...so I apologize for my lack of cohesiveness...so expect a follow up real soon...
Until then...think about it...why are you so enamored with a happy ending...
To get to a happy ending, you have to write the story...
Friday, July 17, 2009
Where is the happy medium?
So I must confess, this post is really not me providing knowledge, but me seeking to address my ignorance as well as my questions...please do not be offended by what I write!
Earlier today I noticed on Facebook a number of friends who had posted statuses proclaiming that they wished to be baptized in anguish. With these status changes was a youtube video of a pastor by the name of David Wilkerson. The video was the words of the pastor with his voice in the background actually speaking those words. Wilkerson preached about how Christians today are being passive, marrying the "world," and ultimately losing sight of the central tenets of being a Christian by, as Wilkerson put it, "I see the world coming and impacting the church rather than the church impacting the world."
To be honest, I was a bit upset after watching such a charged and emotional video, and hearing the passion behind this preacher. I was also upset to hear such aggression in his voice, and ultimately I turned off from it. I am not the most aggressive human being. I don't like arguments, and frequently dodged "persecution" for some of my beliefs. For example, I am a fervent Democrat, and while it is a personal choice equal to the choices of other adult Americans who are able to vote, I feel more and more shunned and turned off by my Republican friends because I refuse to tell them why I believe what I believe. The same can be said for non-Christians in my life. I do not like it when preachers, politicians, and others "preach" about being aggressive in todays society.
But here is where my problem exists. As Christians we should be assertive in loving others and proclaiming God's love for others. One of my favorite quotes is, "Preach the Gospel, and if necessary, use words." I hold firm to that knowledge to this day. And while that may seem like the passive stance, I refuse to accept that true aggression is the way to the Gospel. So where is the happy medium between the two? Is it assertion? Is it passive aggression?
I admit that I have a naive world-view, political-view, and Christian-view. I am not well versed in scripture. I am not well versed in the ongoings of the world. And I am not well versed in my defense of what I believe.
The sermon brought to mind the song "Onward Christian Soldiers." Should we be soldiers armed to fight with swords and shields, or should we be soldiers armed with the Word and Love of God? Is there a solution between the two?
I understand that the Christian faith is "under attack." It has been that way since the days of Adam and Eve. Satan is a crafty being who is out to ruin God's children. But my problem lies within identifying whether it is really Satan attacking us, or us attacking us by way of Satan's evil seeds. How do we know who is hurting who? Are Christians today hurting the world by being exclusive, conservative, closed-minded, or elitist? Are non-Christians hurting the world by their openess, humaness, and humilty? Should we wear our sins on our sleeves as Christians, or should we hide them behind the "four walls of our exclusive churches?"
I very well have made up my own assumptions based on these answers. I have lived by my views for the past 21 years. What are yours? I am not out to get conservatives, nor am I attacking either side of the Christian spectrum. This is not politics, but rather God.
Are we allowed to ask each other these questions, whether we are Christians or not? Are we allowed to even discuss such matters, or have we become so perfectionist that we refuse to be criticized and corrected?
Is this, or are these valid questions for a Christian to ask?
All I ask is for a little compassion and respect in your response...we are all broken, therefore we are all not perfect or right....God is the only One who is right...but talk amongst yourselves!
Earlier today I noticed on Facebook a number of friends who had posted statuses proclaiming that they wished to be baptized in anguish. With these status changes was a youtube video of a pastor by the name of David Wilkerson. The video was the words of the pastor with his voice in the background actually speaking those words. Wilkerson preached about how Christians today are being passive, marrying the "world," and ultimately losing sight of the central tenets of being a Christian by, as Wilkerson put it, "I see the world coming and impacting the church rather than the church impacting the world."
To be honest, I was a bit upset after watching such a charged and emotional video, and hearing the passion behind this preacher. I was also upset to hear such aggression in his voice, and ultimately I turned off from it. I am not the most aggressive human being. I don't like arguments, and frequently dodged "persecution" for some of my beliefs. For example, I am a fervent Democrat, and while it is a personal choice equal to the choices of other adult Americans who are able to vote, I feel more and more shunned and turned off by my Republican friends because I refuse to tell them why I believe what I believe. The same can be said for non-Christians in my life. I do not like it when preachers, politicians, and others "preach" about being aggressive in todays society.
But here is where my problem exists. As Christians we should be assertive in loving others and proclaiming God's love for others. One of my favorite quotes is, "Preach the Gospel, and if necessary, use words." I hold firm to that knowledge to this day. And while that may seem like the passive stance, I refuse to accept that true aggression is the way to the Gospel. So where is the happy medium between the two? Is it assertion? Is it passive aggression?
I admit that I have a naive world-view, political-view, and Christian-view. I am not well versed in scripture. I am not well versed in the ongoings of the world. And I am not well versed in my defense of what I believe.
The sermon brought to mind the song "Onward Christian Soldiers." Should we be soldiers armed to fight with swords and shields, or should we be soldiers armed with the Word and Love of God? Is there a solution between the two?
I understand that the Christian faith is "under attack." It has been that way since the days of Adam and Eve. Satan is a crafty being who is out to ruin God's children. But my problem lies within identifying whether it is really Satan attacking us, or us attacking us by way of Satan's evil seeds. How do we know who is hurting who? Are Christians today hurting the world by being exclusive, conservative, closed-minded, or elitist? Are non-Christians hurting the world by their openess, humaness, and humilty? Should we wear our sins on our sleeves as Christians, or should we hide them behind the "four walls of our exclusive churches?"
I very well have made up my own assumptions based on these answers. I have lived by my views for the past 21 years. What are yours? I am not out to get conservatives, nor am I attacking either side of the Christian spectrum. This is not politics, but rather God.
Are we allowed to ask each other these questions, whether we are Christians or not? Are we allowed to even discuss such matters, or have we become so perfectionist that we refuse to be criticized and corrected?
Is this, or are these valid questions for a Christian to ask?
All I ask is for a little compassion and respect in your response...we are all broken, therefore we are all not perfect or right....God is the only One who is right...but talk amongst yourselves!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Can I do this? Am I up to the challenge?
Those two questions seem to be popping up in my head lately. I think they are popping up, not because of my plans with singing, but my walk with Christ.
To be honest, I have been asking these two questions for a long time without recognizing that they were being asked of my faith. I always thought I was asking myself about my future and careers and school, but deep down I was challenging myself to "man-up" to my faith. If I believed in God, which I do, then why do I not live like I believe? Why did I separate my relationship with God from my relationship with myself? Why did I live like I was in two worlds, one devoted to God and His love, and the other devoted to my life on this earth? It seems strange, but I believe every Christian asks themselves if they can do it.
It's not doubt...and that is something I had to struggle with for a long time. It was fear. And now I know I can do it...why? Because I have seen what Satan is doing to me to prevent my potential with Christ. He is trying way too hard to bring me down, and he almost did in more ways than one. At one point last week I had proclaimed that I had lost my mind, and ended up sleeping on the floor of my apartment with the t.v. still on. I was driving all around Charlotte, and I just started crying...no explanation. And suddenly I began defining who I was. And it dawned on me that I am not defined by my chains...
No, not by my chains...but by the "Chain-breaker"
Ain't that a cool thing to say...it's even cooler to believe. It's also hard to believe. But the truth is, and this is the biggest pill I have had to swallow, is that we are never going to be 100% for and with God. As humans, we are prone to making mistakes, and ultimately falling away from God. It's been programmed in our bodies since the ages of Eden...and we all know how that happened. So of course, in my journey with Christ, I expected God and Christ to have made mistakes, especially with me...I know, that's another story. But what is so hard for me to accept, let alone believe is the fact that God is not human...He does not make mistakes....
When I say I don't have the faith to stand, well...there is actually a lot of faith behind that. If I didn't have faith, then I wouldn't be so worried about losing it. In fact, God is still there whether I have 100% faith or 50% faith...He uses every bit of it. One of my favorite scriptures is Galatians 5:9. It says a little yeast goes a long way...so think of our faith as yeast, God as air, and our lives dough. Yeast allows the air to rise in the dough, fill the dough, and ultimately make good bread, but it only takes a little. In the same way, God makes us who are weak in faith, but who have what little faith there is, and turns us into warriors fighting for Him. Remember Peter...he didn't know he had faith to walk on water, and when he stepped onto the water, what faith he had dissipated, but Jesus caught him. Even though that led to a sort of admonishing from Jesus, it still portrayed God's ability to hold onto our lives even when it seems like we can't.
There is a lot more I could talk about concerning this...but I will end on one last thing.
Each person's faith is different from the next person. And while it is good to have a community that cultivates and strengthens and nourishes faith...ultimately we are physically, humanly alone with our faith. Faith does not come from doing things with others because everyone else does it. It does not come from the celebratization of pastor. It does not come from other people. It comes from God and lives inside of us. We as a society have grown so dependent on what other people say and do...I should know. But now I am on my own, and even though it seems dark, there is hope from my faith in Christ. Your relationship with Christ is between you and Christ...not anyone else. So instead of putting the weight on other humans who are known to make mistakes, why not put it with God, who has never made a mistake.
That last bit was sort of a rant, but some things only need one time to be spoken...so there was my one time on that!
In conclusion:
Yes I can do this. Yes you can do this. We can do this because He has loved us, even with our weak faith.
Remember: Chains = sin and shame
We are not defined by our chains, but by the "Chain-breaker."
Those two questions seem to be popping up in my head lately. I think they are popping up, not because of my plans with singing, but my walk with Christ.
To be honest, I have been asking these two questions for a long time without recognizing that they were being asked of my faith. I always thought I was asking myself about my future and careers and school, but deep down I was challenging myself to "man-up" to my faith. If I believed in God, which I do, then why do I not live like I believe? Why did I separate my relationship with God from my relationship with myself? Why did I live like I was in two worlds, one devoted to God and His love, and the other devoted to my life on this earth? It seems strange, but I believe every Christian asks themselves if they can do it.
It's not doubt...and that is something I had to struggle with for a long time. It was fear. And now I know I can do it...why? Because I have seen what Satan is doing to me to prevent my potential with Christ. He is trying way too hard to bring me down, and he almost did in more ways than one. At one point last week I had proclaimed that I had lost my mind, and ended up sleeping on the floor of my apartment with the t.v. still on. I was driving all around Charlotte, and I just started crying...no explanation. And suddenly I began defining who I was. And it dawned on me that I am not defined by my chains...
No, not by my chains...but by the "Chain-breaker"
Ain't that a cool thing to say...it's even cooler to believe. It's also hard to believe. But the truth is, and this is the biggest pill I have had to swallow, is that we are never going to be 100% for and with God. As humans, we are prone to making mistakes, and ultimately falling away from God. It's been programmed in our bodies since the ages of Eden...and we all know how that happened. So of course, in my journey with Christ, I expected God and Christ to have made mistakes, especially with me...I know, that's another story. But what is so hard for me to accept, let alone believe is the fact that God is not human...He does not make mistakes....
When I say I don't have the faith to stand, well...there is actually a lot of faith behind that. If I didn't have faith, then I wouldn't be so worried about losing it. In fact, God is still there whether I have 100% faith or 50% faith...He uses every bit of it. One of my favorite scriptures is Galatians 5:9. It says a little yeast goes a long way...so think of our faith as yeast, God as air, and our lives dough. Yeast allows the air to rise in the dough, fill the dough, and ultimately make good bread, but it only takes a little. In the same way, God makes us who are weak in faith, but who have what little faith there is, and turns us into warriors fighting for Him. Remember Peter...he didn't know he had faith to walk on water, and when he stepped onto the water, what faith he had dissipated, but Jesus caught him. Even though that led to a sort of admonishing from Jesus, it still portrayed God's ability to hold onto our lives even when it seems like we can't.
There is a lot more I could talk about concerning this...but I will end on one last thing.
Each person's faith is different from the next person. And while it is good to have a community that cultivates and strengthens and nourishes faith...ultimately we are physically, humanly alone with our faith. Faith does not come from doing things with others because everyone else does it. It does not come from the celebratization of pastor. It does not come from other people. It comes from God and lives inside of us. We as a society have grown so dependent on what other people say and do...I should know. But now I am on my own, and even though it seems dark, there is hope from my faith in Christ. Your relationship with Christ is between you and Christ...not anyone else. So instead of putting the weight on other humans who are known to make mistakes, why not put it with God, who has never made a mistake.
That last bit was sort of a rant, but some things only need one time to be spoken...so there was my one time on that!
In conclusion:
Yes I can do this. Yes you can do this. We can do this because He has loved us, even with our weak faith.
Remember: Chains = sin and shame
We are not defined by our chains, but by the "Chain-breaker."
Friday, July 3, 2009
Believing
Ok, so I must apologize for the time between posts. I have really wanted to post something, and have had many opportunities, but I wanted something bigger to talk about.
Well, how much bigger do I get than with God?
But to be honest with you, as a Christian, it gets harder to maintain my faith with God. For a long time I questioned whether I was a Christian because I had doubts about God. But now, I think of it as a blessing because we are humans, and we will always doubt God and His presence. I find it to be a blessing because it allows me to explore God in a new, different way that is greater than our knowledge of Him gathered from our church pews and our bibles. Now, I know that when I say that I may sound blasphemic, but the Bible is the word of God, the bible is a book with ink on its pages. That is what I believe...and I feel like God is ok with that.
I get to explore God as the people in the early days of Christianity got to explore Him, outside of the influence of our t.v. evangelists and our megachurches. I get to explore God without pressure to know Him or else I would be so-called excommunicated from the group of people I associated with. It allows me to know God in my own personal life and be able to defend my belief in Him by my own personal story. I believe that today many of our Christians have been "brain-washed" into believing the good about God and about being a Christian. This gives me a hard time, mainly because when I see my friends post about the fact that ten kids (stress on kids) gave their lives to Christ, I have to question they are aware of the world outside of their happy-go-lucky pews at church and recignize God in the entire world. It isn't pretty, and there's a reason behind that result. I have to question how many of those kids actually believe in God or believe in the culture of Christianity. I have to question how many of those kids would actually remain believing in God once they leave the confines of their hometowns.
I am not like most Christians. While I enjoy the Christian music scene, it is not my foremost music genre. I do not flaunt my Christian life on the pages of AIM, Facebook, or Myspace displaying scripture, asking for prayer, and/or praising God's holy name. While they may not be that bad, I just don't see the point nor the fruit resulting from such actions. I feel like I should be real about my walk with Christ. And to tell you the truth, I believe God wants me to do this.
Many occasions have resulted in my questioning of God's existence. In fact, I did so today. In my opinion (stress on the "my" adjective of possesion) I feel that if God exists, then He would make Himself known to the world. Which is why the fact that Jesus did the opposite in His life, hiding behind obscurity after performing miracles. And once again, I find it a blessing that I am asking these questions. It allows me to actually understand who God is in my life. I feel like God wants me to ask these questions because it "tests" my faith...now that isn't the best way to say such, but I actually feel like it is true. I feel like I am living for Christ by living honestly in my walk with Him. It allows for a kid, who say, has just given their life to Christ to understand that this is no panacea/cure-all but rather a lesson in grace, hope, and love. God still loves me, and He proves this time and time again in providing hope from grace.
Remember when I said that I felt God should prove Himself to the world? Well, that was my human view of God. God is much bigger than that. God exists because if He didn't, I wouldn't be here today. I believe in God because He knows me way more than I do, and He constantly rocks my world. God has proven Himself to the world, and for proof, look no further than my life. I am living proof of God's existence. The people who post praises for God are proof of God's existence. You are proof. God created us, sustained us, loved us, and loves us. The fact that I am able to wake up every morning is a testament to grace resulting from God's love.
God doesn't need me to prove His existence. He doesn't need me to have His great "plan" fulfilled. But I am here, and I am honest, and I am willing...and He is gonna use that in any way possible.
Believing is living, and living is believing. Believing in God is living for God, and living for God is believing in God and His great love...
Well, how much bigger do I get than with God?
But to be honest with you, as a Christian, it gets harder to maintain my faith with God. For a long time I questioned whether I was a Christian because I had doubts about God. But now, I think of it as a blessing because we are humans, and we will always doubt God and His presence. I find it to be a blessing because it allows me to explore God in a new, different way that is greater than our knowledge of Him gathered from our church pews and our bibles. Now, I know that when I say that I may sound blasphemic, but the Bible is the word of God, the bible is a book with ink on its pages. That is what I believe...and I feel like God is ok with that.
I get to explore God as the people in the early days of Christianity got to explore Him, outside of the influence of our t.v. evangelists and our megachurches. I get to explore God without pressure to know Him or else I would be so-called excommunicated from the group of people I associated with. It allows me to know God in my own personal life and be able to defend my belief in Him by my own personal story. I believe that today many of our Christians have been "brain-washed" into believing the good about God and about being a Christian. This gives me a hard time, mainly because when I see my friends post about the fact that ten kids (stress on kids) gave their lives to Christ, I have to question they are aware of the world outside of their happy-go-lucky pews at church and recignize God in the entire world. It isn't pretty, and there's a reason behind that result. I have to question how many of those kids actually believe in God or believe in the culture of Christianity. I have to question how many of those kids would actually remain believing in God once they leave the confines of their hometowns.
I am not like most Christians. While I enjoy the Christian music scene, it is not my foremost music genre. I do not flaunt my Christian life on the pages of AIM, Facebook, or Myspace displaying scripture, asking for prayer, and/or praising God's holy name. While they may not be that bad, I just don't see the point nor the fruit resulting from such actions. I feel like I should be real about my walk with Christ. And to tell you the truth, I believe God wants me to do this.
Many occasions have resulted in my questioning of God's existence. In fact, I did so today. In my opinion (stress on the "my" adjective of possesion) I feel that if God exists, then He would make Himself known to the world. Which is why the fact that Jesus did the opposite in His life, hiding behind obscurity after performing miracles. And once again, I find it a blessing that I am asking these questions. It allows me to actually understand who God is in my life. I feel like God wants me to ask these questions because it "tests" my faith...now that isn't the best way to say such, but I actually feel like it is true. I feel like I am living for Christ by living honestly in my walk with Him. It allows for a kid, who say, has just given their life to Christ to understand that this is no panacea/cure-all but rather a lesson in grace, hope, and love. God still loves me, and He proves this time and time again in providing hope from grace.
Remember when I said that I felt God should prove Himself to the world? Well, that was my human view of God. God is much bigger than that. God exists because if He didn't, I wouldn't be here today. I believe in God because He knows me way more than I do, and He constantly rocks my world. God has proven Himself to the world, and for proof, look no further than my life. I am living proof of God's existence. The people who post praises for God are proof of God's existence. You are proof. God created us, sustained us, loved us, and loves us. The fact that I am able to wake up every morning is a testament to grace resulting from God's love.
God doesn't need me to prove His existence. He doesn't need me to have His great "plan" fulfilled. But I am here, and I am honest, and I am willing...and He is gonna use that in any way possible.
Believing is living, and living is believing. Believing in God is living for God, and living for God is believing in God and His great love...
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