Can I do this? Am I up to the challenge?

Those two questions seem to be popping up in my head lately. I think they are popping up, not because of my plans with singing, but my walk with Christ.

To be honest, I have been asking these two questions for a long time without recognizing that they were being asked of my faith. I always thought I was asking myself about my future and careers and school, but deep down I was challenging myself to "man-up" to my faith. If I believed in God, which I do, then why do I not live like I believe? Why did I separate my relationship with God from my relationship with myself? Why did I live like I was in two worlds, one devoted to God and His love, and the other devoted to my life on this earth? It seems strange, but I believe every Christian asks themselves if they can do it.

It's not doubt...and that is something I had to struggle with for a long time. It was fear. And now I know I can do it...why? Because I have seen what Satan is doing to me to prevent my potential with Christ. He is trying way too hard to bring me down, and he almost did in more ways than one. At one point last week I had proclaimed that I had lost my mind, and ended up sleeping on the floor of my apartment with the t.v. still on. I was driving all around Charlotte, and I just started crying...no explanation. And suddenly I began defining who I was. And it dawned on me that I am not defined by my chains...

No, not by my chains...but by the "Chain-breaker"

Ain't that a cool thing to say...it's even cooler to believe. It's also hard to believe. But the truth is, and this is the biggest pill I have had to swallow, is that we are never going to be 100% for and with God. As humans, we are prone to making mistakes, and ultimately falling away from God. It's been programmed in our bodies since the ages of Eden...and we all know how that happened. So of course, in my journey with Christ, I expected God and Christ to have made mistakes, especially with me...I know, that's another story. But what is so hard for me to accept, let alone believe is the fact that God is not human...He does not make mistakes....

When I say I don't have the faith to stand, well...there is actually a lot of faith behind that. If I didn't have faith, then I wouldn't be so worried about losing it. In fact, God is still there whether I have 100% faith or 50% faith...He uses every bit of it. One of my favorite scriptures is Galatians 5:9. It says a little yeast goes a long way...so think of our faith as yeast, God as air, and our lives dough. Yeast allows the air to rise in the dough, fill the dough, and ultimately make good bread, but it only takes a little. In the same way, God makes us who are weak in faith, but who have what little faith there is, and turns us into warriors fighting for Him. Remember Peter...he didn't know he had faith to walk on water, and when he stepped onto the water, what faith he had dissipated, but Jesus caught him. Even though that led to a sort of admonishing from Jesus, it still portrayed God's ability to hold onto our lives even when it seems like we can't.

There is a lot more I could talk about concerning this...but I will end on one last thing.

Each person's faith is different from the next person. And while it is good to have a community that cultivates and strengthens and nourishes faith...ultimately we are physically, humanly alone with our faith. Faith does not come from doing things with others because everyone else does it. It does not come from the celebratization of pastor. It does not come from other people. It comes from God and lives inside of us. We as a society have grown so dependent on what other people say and do...I should know. But now I am on my own, and even though it seems dark, there is hope from my faith in Christ. Your relationship with Christ is between you and Christ...not anyone else. So instead of putting the weight on other humans who are known to make mistakes, why not put it with God, who has never made a mistake.

That last bit was sort of a rant, but some things only need one time to be spoken...so there was my one time on that!

In conclusion:

Yes I can do this. Yes you can do this. We can do this because He has loved us, even with our weak faith.

Remember: Chains = sin and shame

We are not defined by our chains, but by the "Chain-breaker."