Believing

Ok, so I must apologize for the time between posts. I have really wanted to post something, and have had many opportunities, but I wanted something bigger to talk about.

Well, how much bigger do I get than with God?

But to be honest with you, as a Christian, it gets harder to maintain my faith with God. For a long time I questioned whether I was a Christian because I had doubts about God. But now, I think of it as a blessing because we are humans, and we will always doubt God and His presence. I find it to be a blessing because it allows me to explore God in a new, different way that is greater than our knowledge of Him gathered from our church pews and our bibles. Now, I know that when I say that I may sound blasphemic, but the Bible is the word of God, the bible is a book with ink on its pages. That is what I believe...and I feel like God is ok with that.

I get to explore God as the people in the early days of Christianity got to explore Him, outside of the influence of our t.v. evangelists and our megachurches. I get to explore God without pressure to know Him or else I would be so-called excommunicated from the group of people I associated with. It allows me to know God in my own personal life and be able to defend my belief in Him by my own personal story. I believe that today many of our Christians have been "brain-washed" into believing the good about God and about being a Christian. This gives me a hard time, mainly because when I see my friends post about the fact that ten kids (stress on kids) gave their lives to Christ, I have to question they are aware of the world outside of their happy-go-lucky pews at church and recignize God in the entire world. It isn't pretty, and there's a reason behind that result. I have to question how many of those kids actually believe in God or believe in the culture of Christianity. I have to question how many of those kids would actually remain believing in God once they leave the confines of their hometowns.

I am not like most Christians. While I enjoy the Christian music scene, it is not my foremost music genre. I do not flaunt my Christian life on the pages of AIM, Facebook, or Myspace displaying scripture, asking for prayer, and/or praising God's holy name. While they may not be that bad, I just don't see the point nor the fruit resulting from such actions. I feel like I should be real about my walk with Christ. And to tell you the truth, I believe God wants me to do this.

Many occasions have resulted in my questioning of God's existence. In fact, I did so today. In my opinion (stress on the "my" adjective of possesion) I feel that if God exists, then He would make Himself known to the world. Which is why the fact that Jesus did the opposite in His life, hiding behind obscurity after performing miracles. And once again, I find it a blessing that I am asking these questions. It allows me to actually understand who God is in my life. I feel like God wants me to ask these questions because it "tests" my faith...now that isn't the best way to say such, but I actually feel like it is true. I feel like I am living for Christ by living honestly in my walk with Him. It allows for a kid, who say, has just given their life to Christ to understand that this is no panacea/cure-all but rather a lesson in grace, hope, and love. God still loves me, and He proves this time and time again in providing hope from grace.

Remember when I said that I felt God should prove Himself to the world? Well, that was my human view of God. God is much bigger than that. God exists because if He didn't, I wouldn't be here today. I believe in God because He knows me way more than I do, and He constantly rocks my world. God has proven Himself to the world, and for proof, look no further than my life. I am living proof of God's existence. The people who post praises for God are proof of God's existence. You are proof. God created us, sustained us, loved us, and loves us. The fact that I am able to wake up every morning is a testament to grace resulting from God's love.

God doesn't need me to prove His existence. He doesn't need me to have His great "plan" fulfilled. But I am here, and I am honest, and I am willing...and He is gonna use that in any way possible.

Believing is living, and living is believing. Believing in God is living for God, and living for God is believing in God and His great love...